It makes sense when babies cry. How else would they tell you they've got an upset stomach or that it's direly close to nap time? Crying adults, on the other hand, are more of a mystery. In fact, for hundreds of years, researchers have been puzzled as to why grown-ups, fully capable of using our words, still shed tears. But there are a few things that we do know about crying...
Can crying a lot damage your eyes?
Happy tears look different than sad tears—and both look different from "I'm chopping an onion" tears.
Not all tears were created equal. There are three types: The first is the liquid produced with every blink of the eye, called basal tears, that keeps the eye protected and lubricated. Then there's the type made in reaction to an irritant, like those dang onions. And lastly there are emotional tears, triggered by breakups, insanely hilarious jokes, and the odd pet food commercial (Just me? Moving on...). Those irritant and emotional tears are both created in the tear ducts, or the lacrimal glands, says Ad Vingerhoets, PhD, a professor of clinical psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands and the world's foremost crying expert (really!). But the basal tears are created in completely different glands under the eyelid.
Not all tears were created equal. There are three types: The first is the liquid produced with every blink of the eye, called basal tears, that keeps the eye protected and lubricated. Then there's the type made in reaction to an irritant, like those dang onions. And lastly there are emotional tears, triggered by breakups, insanely hilarious jokes, and the odd pet food commercial (Just me? Moving on...). Those irritant and emotional tears are both created in the tear ducts, or the lacrimal glands, says Ad Vingerhoets, PhD, a professor of clinical psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands and the world's foremost crying expert (really!). But the basal tears are created in completely different glands under the eyelid.
While all three are a similar mix of salt, hormones, proteins, and other fun stuff, they're actually remarkably different under a microscope. You've got to see it to believe it.
Women really do cry more than men.
We average around 2 to 4 times a month, while men might cry once every other month, Vingerhoets says. His research also found that women cry for longer than men. Sixty-six percent of men said they keep a crying session short, less than 5 minutes, while 43% of women said the same. Only 24% of men admitted to crying it out for 6 to 15 minutes, compared to 38% of women.
We're not all that different when it comes to major triggers of tears, though, Vingerhoets says. Big stuff, like a death or a breakup, is likely to make both men and women cry. "The difference between the sexes is stronger when you look at very mundane, everyday situations," he says. Women are more likely to cry in scenarios that trigger helplessness, he explains, like when the car won't start or the computer crashes. "Men apparently start swearing in that kind of situation," he says.
Certainly, there's social pressure on men and boys not to cry, Vingerhoets says, but machismo doesn't account for all of the difference. Sex hormones may play a role, although Vingerhoets says it may not be that estrogen produces tears as much as testosterone might inhibit them. (Want to pick up some healthier habits? Sign up to get healthy living tips delivered straight to your inbox!)
Women may also be exposed to more emotional situations, he says. Maybe you tune in every week to a gut-wrenching TV drama while your hubby plays it safe with football. "The kind of movies men and women watch, the kind of literature they read, the kind of music they listen to, that's all very important," Vingerhoets says, in priming us for reacting with tears or not.
Women have physically smaller tear ducts than men.
At least, before age 50. Some experts believe that means that if both men and women tear up, those tears are more likely to spill over and down women's cheeks, while men's tears may remain contained.
Men get turned off when a woman cries.
And no, not in a gross "I can't handle her feelings" way. When men were made to sniff negative emotion tears from women, they felt less sexually aroused than when they smelled a saline solution that had also run down women's cheeks. (Yes, sometimes scientific studies are bizarre, we agree.) The researchers say they don't totally understand what evolutionary purpose this reaction holds, but some experts hypothesize it might be a way to lessen men's aggression when women are crying. However, some of Vingerhoets's more recent research calls this conclusion into question, since his colleagues had difficulty replicating these findings. Instead, he thinks it's likely there's no chemical messenger in women's tears but that the act of crying itself communicates something to men that tonight is not the night.
And no, not in a gross "I can't handle her feelings" way. When men were made to sniff negative emotion tears from women, they felt less sexually aroused than when they smelled a saline solution that had also run down women's cheeks. (Yes, sometimes scientific studies are bizarre, we agree.) The researchers say they don't totally understand what evolutionary purpose this reaction holds, but some experts hypothesize it might be a way to lessen men's aggression when women are crying. However, some of Vingerhoets's more recent research calls this conclusion into question, since his colleagues had difficulty replicating these findings. Instead, he thinks it's likely there's no chemical messenger in women's tears but that the act of crying itself communicates something to men that tonight is not the night.
Tears bond us together.
The latest en vogue theory for why adults cry is that crying has something to do with human connection. Think about it: Visible tears rolling down the cheeks of a stranger instantly makes you feel for her, even if you'll never see her again. The thinking goes that tears help us recognize when a fellow human needs a little extra attention, fostering bonding that, even if it's not exactly key to the survival of the species, let's face it, we could all use from time to time.
"Tears seem to be a strong signal to others that you are in need of help," Vingerhoets says. "We have found that when you see someone in tears, you tend to feel more connected with that person, you feel more empathy," he says. "That's a very important interpersonal effect of tears."
Your nose runs when you cry because it's sharing the hard work.
Tears secreted from the lacrimal glands—the onion tears and the emotional ones—drain near the nose. "When the capacity of the drainage system is insufficient, then tears start flowing over your cheeks, and that's what we call crying," Vingerhoets says. In other words, your nose runs even before you cry, and can certainly keep it up while you're sobbing, because your tears are simply draining. "Most of our tears just go back into the body," he says.
Tears secreted from the lacrimal glands—the onion tears and the emotional ones—drain near the nose. "When the capacity of the drainage system is insufficient, then tears start flowing over your cheeks, and that's what we call crying," Vingerhoets says. In other words, your nose runs even before you cry, and can certainly keep it up while you're sobbing, because your tears are simply draining. "Most of our tears just go back into the body," he says.
That theory that tears might contain stress hormones is probably a bunch of baloney.
Although the research surrounding what makes a "good" cry is muddled, certainly anecdotally many of us have experienced that feeling of release and relief after letting the tears flow. One older theory is that because tears contain stress hormones, crying is a way to flush those hormones out of the body, reducing negativity in the process. But Vingerhoets is skeptical. "It makes just as much sense to say that drooling helps to relieve you from stress," he says. "The composition of saliva is very similar to tears." Even sweat contains stress hormones, he adds, "but the conclusion that this reaction is meant to cleanse stress hormones from the blood makes absolutely no sense."
Although the research surrounding what makes a "good" cry is muddled, certainly anecdotally many of us have experienced that feeling of release and relief after letting the tears flow. One older theory is that because tears contain stress hormones, crying is a way to flush those hormones out of the body, reducing negativity in the process. But Vingerhoets is skeptical. "It makes just as much sense to say that drooling helps to relieve you from stress," he says. "The composition of saliva is very similar to tears." Even sweat contains stress hormones, he adds, "but the conclusion that this reaction is meant to cleanse stress hormones from the blood makes absolutely no sense."
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